If a cow ever got the chance...

May 29, 2002

Mr. Bigshot Senior Director of Product Marketing
Burger King Consumer Relations
17777 Old Cutler Road
Miami, FL 33157

Dear Mr. Bigshot,
I am writing to inform you of my repeated--and failed--attempts to order the BK Veggie at Burger King #3507 (225 North Michigan Avenue in Chicago, IL). As a vegetarian, I prefer not to eat food that has been contaminated with lard or meat drippings. I have been assured repeatedly by vegan websites such as Erik Marcus's Vegan.com that I can order this sandwich microwaved, not flame-broiled or grilled. Because the patty is precooked and frozen, this should not present a health risk.

However, the management at BK #3507 either have not been informed of the microwave option or have chosen to disregard it. Twice at this franchise I have tried to order the sandwich microwaved, and have been met with extremely rude treatment, by first the cashier and then the manager on duty. Today, the manager flatly refused to microwave the burger patty, saying that this was a "health risk" and that it "had to" go on the grill. After a few minutes of her condescending attitude, I left without buying anything.

Since I do not seem to be able to "have it my way" no matter what arguments I use, I will not be returning to Burger King, and will tell my friends to avoid Burger King in the future.

I must question how strong Burger King's commitment is to the BK Veggie as a permanent menu item. BK purports to offer a microwave option for those who find the flame-broiled sandwich unacceptable (a sizeable group of vegetarians and vegans--the very audience for whom this sandwich would seem to be targeted). But in my personal experience, this option is simply not available. I must question why Burger King's management would introduce a new menu item and then make it effectively unavailable to its target market. Is it just a transparent strategy to attract the "veto voter's" carload of patrons? Or are you deliberately setting your product up for failure?

Feel free to contact me with any questions or comments about this letter.

Sincerely,
me

Well, I'm glad I wrote this because it's good to be assertive, and that manager was an absolute bitch (it wasn't what she said so much as the way she said it, and I know you know what I mean...) But I think I'm coming off like Grampa Simpson in that episode where he's writing a letter to the President: "Dear Mr. President, I think there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot!"

At least I used a lot of big words like "purport," so they'll have to listen to me.

Mini-clarification, 7 p.m.: I did once get them to microwave it, and it was really good. (I wrote about it here.)

Every other time, they were absolutely unable to comprehend the microwave as an instrument of cooking: Can you microwave it? No, because we put it on the grill.

I know I'm overreacting, and that there are more important and earth-shattering things to be worried about. It's just that once in a while I would like to have a simple, decent lunch that isn't two days old and sitting in a curry-stained Tupperware container. And I would like to have it without all this yelling and pissiness and confrontation. Burger King raised my hopes that this could be possible, and then it dashed them. Damn you, Burger King.

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