If a cow ever got the chance...

As I think I keep saying, things are pretty good. On Sunday I went to the pride parade with JME and like six of her friends and got some pretty beads and waved a rainbow flag, although not when the Starbucks float went by. (Tomorrow will write up my anti-"straight but not narrow" rant.) Then went to a potluck where Matt Ball of Vegan Outreach was the speaker. He makes so much sense and is possibly the cutest animal rights activist ever and I would totally hit on him if he wasn't very happily married with a small vegan-activist child, but I would doubtless be 217th in line to do so. If you want to read something non-insipid and annoying now, I highly recommend his essay "A Meaningful Life" here. I am not as much of a hard-core utilitarian as the Vegan Outreach types--still trying to work out my exact position--but this is a lovely essay nonetheless.

What I really want to know tonight is why I keep having these horrible dreams. Clearly I am very anxious about something (or something really bad is going to happen). In the past two nights (and a nap that I just woke up from in a cold sweat) I have had the following dreams:

1. My office building is about to be demolished. In light of this fact, people are getting up from their cubicles and leaving. C is working in his cube kitty-corner from me, but I am mad at him so I don't tap him on the shoulder to warn him. Figure he will notice that everyone else is leaving. JME and I make our way outside and the building collapses spectacularly--floors pancaking--in what is kind of a neat-looking cinematic dream sequence. Thanks, brain! I tell JME, "So far every building I've ever worked in has exploded. Except that Wendy's." (Where this came from I have no idea; it is patently false, although the home of my first publishing job was razed to the ground to expand a Mercedes-Benz dealer's parking lot. I never worked at Wendy's.) Just then I realize that C is nowhere to be found and was therefore trapped in the building. I start to cry. Wake up with tears on face, the whole bit.

2. Having lunch with my siblings. My sister is now an amputee for no reason that was explained in the dream. Her right arm ends just below the elbow and we joke that we will now have to call her "Lefty". My brother informs me that I am still famous in my high school for being the person who gained the most weight. This is completely humiliating, of course. Then suddenly I actually am back in high school and it becomes a typical anxiety dream in which I was supposed to make a mandala out of multicolored sand for my science class (?) but haven't done it and will possibly flunk. It becomes clear that I never graduated high school because I never passed Remedial Science 101. (This is the exact plot of a Simpsons episode--I was watching the new DVD of Season 4 all weekend--so I feel pretty confident that this part of the dream was just repeating funny plot devices from the TV.)

3. I can't get on the correct train because someone fell in front of it and there is a body bag and police tape blocking the transfer entrance. Someone on the platform tells me they will be around to pick up the body bag eventually. Coming up into the street I look up at the sky (beautiful blue and orange sunset with wispy clouds) and realize that my mother is dead. Luckily I wake up at this point before I can elaborate.

Clearly I am very anxious about something, but these dreams are not really helping. I would like them to stop now, please and thank you.

P.S. No new eHarmony matches, even though I changed my settings to include every possible desperate man between 21 and 60, said that kids under 18 are perfectly OK, and revealed that I never drink or smoke. (Lies, all lies!) EHarmony is obviously implying that I should just shoot myself now. One less non-Christian in the world...

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