If a cow ever got the chance...

I need someone to cheer me up, bad. My cigarette friend is at the zoo today, of all places, which has left me without any human contact while I organize, catalogue, label, and write descriptions for TWO HUNDRED TWENTY-FIVE photos of the same guy, a bodybuilder. Granted, for a bodybuilder he was pretty good-looking (kind of reminds me of my high school art teacher who got fired for sleeping with his female students), but still, no one wants to see that many arbitrary bulges on someone. I would quote you some of the foreword, in which the bodybuilder is compared to Christ and Adam within the same paragraph, but I don't have the heart for making witty remarks about it right now. It seems clear that as long as I have this job I will never get to edit anything remotely significant.

What to say. C. is also stagnating like you wouldn't believe. (I have a moral quandary about calling him Chuck, since it is one of his legitimate nicknames but he absolutely loathes it, and I too find it a bit derisive. Will have to think up a new name for him.) They instituted a new policy at his work (he's a door-to-door cable salesman and standard "cable-guy"), where you have to make at least one sale to a customer each day, and if you don't, you have to report to the big boss the next day to explain why. C. makes approximately one sale per week. So now he is resorting to making up fake sales to avoid the big boss, sales that will be conveniently cancelled later when the "customer" changes its "mind". And I feel bad because I can't stop making fun of him and calling him lazy and boring and pointing out his general lack of motivation and telling him I'm going to get him fired so that he would do something else, anything else, when really what he needs is a hug and someone to tell him he's smart and resourceful. He's like the textbook Person With Self-Esteem Issues. I have self-esteem issues too but I generally work them out by being a dick to everyone around me, which paradoxically makes me feel better in the short term.

If you're reading this, and you don't know me personally, please, please sign the guestbook. Just so I know you exist, and so I don't have to feel like 50% of my audience is constantly judging me in that exquisitely tactless way. Meanwhile, I will try to stop looking for validation where I know I'm not going to get it.

Now I will try to go for the next ten minutes without saying something obliquely snarky. Think I can do it?

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