If a cow ever got the chance...

Okay. Here's me, 8:37 a.m., staggering into the workplace kitchen for some fucking coffee. That's all I want. On five hours of sleep. But I cannot get to the coffee maker because this large woman is blocking it entirely. First she (very, very slowly): goes to the cabinet. Takes out the package of Styrofoam cups. Removes a cup from the package. Fills the cup at the coffeepot. Sets the cup on the counter. Repeats the entire process, so that there are two cups of coffee on the counter. Proceeds to (and you could watch windowpane glass flow faster than this) pour the contents of both Styrofoam cups into a thermal mug. She has not moved from in front of the coffee maker this entire time, and I am debating various attack strategies..

But then she must hear my irritated muttering, or snorting, or whatever unconscious psychotic display I was enacting behind her. Because she turns around (as she is filling a third Styrofoam cup) and says,

(and this is verbatim)

"Oh, looks like we're out of coffee. I don't know how to make it, do you? I'll just watch you, then."

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