2005-03-14 @ 9:24 a.m.
Just an update, and not even a well-written one. C and I fighting like people who have been married thirty years and have three kids and no longer like each other. I don't know what to do. At least he still kisses me goodbye in the mornings. This is the last week of my old job and I need to gracefully let go. I should be glad to get rid of my various assy projects but I can't do it, mainly because I don't know what they will be replaced with. It feels like falling into a black hole. Like my life will just stop. They are taking me out to lunch to say goodbye (which I wasn't sure they'd do) but are combining it with my boss's birthday lunch, which seems like a recipe for many pointed comments. Can't call in sick because then I won't have a chance to finish the various assy projects. Am scared to take the insanely strong antidepressant the dr. prescribed for me but can't get ahold of her to get her to prescribe something different. Am scared to go off them entirely. Am worried about my drinking problem and my eating disorder and about five hundred other things, and I hope that by diffusing this little blast of complete nervous tension onto the internet it will somehow dissipate between network connections and not be transferred back to me or to anyone else.
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